U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize