Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
