I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
