But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
how drunk are you?
Several
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
