She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
