i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she looked like the before picture.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
