I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
