did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
