do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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