Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
