I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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