I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
