I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
