i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
