The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
