I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
