Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
