Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
