it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
