Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
