She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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