Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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