I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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