help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
