I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
