it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
