the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Ketchup is God's man juice
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
