Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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