I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
