Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
