i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My vagina is officially offended.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
