I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
