Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You may now shotgun with the bride
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
