We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize