Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
