she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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