I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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