It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
