hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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