The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
