She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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