I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize