Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
As shirtless as possible
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
