Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
