I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
