I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
