Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
