i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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