I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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