she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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