if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
