i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
