So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
