the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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