If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
