well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize