She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
