i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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