We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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