I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize