I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
