It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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