I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
