fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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